After injecting myself with medicine for the past 4 months, I
have found that now I’m beginning to bruise up real nicely, much like the
banana that is sitting on top of my desk at work.
Besides the pain that the injections give me I really don’t
have much to complain about because for the most part I am pretty stable. I can
balance on one leg without falling done, dance, run, walk you name it.
But today my legs started to get extremely tight and I got
worried, worried that things were headed in a different direction. Much like
anyone with any disease, the moment you start to feel the slightest bit different
you become convinced that something is happening to you, that things are headed
in the wrong direction.
This past weekend I went out with my mom. I pulled the
wheelchair out of the trunk, got her in and out of her wheelchair, opened and
held doors up that were not automatic and maneuvered our way around tightly packed
stores. All so she could go out and enjoy the beautiful spring like day and we
could spend time with one another. We got in and out of the car a total of 6
times. This might not seem like a big deal to many, but I will tell you that it’s
sometimes annoying. Whether you’re pushing a baby carriage or a wheelchair and
packing/unpacking/maneuvering it’s still annoying. However, despite my
annoyance and lack of space to hold my items, I thought to myself how glad I
was that I was able to walk around and push my mom in the wheelchair, because
who knows when this will end.
This isn’t
depressing, I swear. The point is that while I was out on Sunday, everyone looked
at me instead of her while having a conversation. They saw her as disabled and
me as not, when really both of us are. One is dealing with Relapsing-remitting
MS (RRMS) and the other Progressive-relapsing MS (PRMS). There are 4 types of
MS. I have the best case scenario and she has the worst. Secondary-progressive MS (SPMS) is the step
above the MS that I have and most people who are initially diagnosed with RRMS will
eventually transition to SPMS, which means that the disease will progress more
steadily without relapses. What should this mean to you the reader? Well it
means that sometimes that thought’s I have in my head about shit hitting the
fan, may actually come true. But don’t fret I’ll always have Punky Power.
Much like this crappy
winter, we all know that spring will eventually come; there is always a silver lining despite what you may sometimes think. So here is mine. Last Wednesday,
March 4th, I posted that I would be participating WalkMS. In the past 6 days since my post, I have receiving
the greatest gift I could have imagined from readers like you. People who I
honestly had no idea read my blog, and I thought may have unfriended me on FB
because sometimes let’s face reality, sometimes I’m wicked annoying. I realized
that a lot of people had stories to share with me, stories about their family
being affected by this disease and I became empower to raise more and write
more.
I learned that most people don’t know how to react when you
tell them you have a disease, and this diagnosis for me became that to so many
people. I would be lying to say that I have not been disappointed by some people in my
life after facing diagnosis. I have been let down and hurt that they did not
reach out to me and see how I was, even if my answer would be “fine”. But that
bridge has been crossed and for some is broken now. And then came spring! In turn I have seen that those who
have reached out to me have filled my heart with such happiness and
overwhelming love for their desire to help me and other’s by donating.
In only 6 days I am nearly 50% to my goal but 100%
appreciative and thankful to everyone who has donated to my team “The Fightin
Irish” When I have seen your name come through with your
donation, I have cried every single time. I have been overwhelmed for your
desire to help me and my mom and everyone else who doesn’t know what the next
few days/weeks/months or years will bring.
Not everyone has a blog, or is a chatter box
like me. Most people keep their feeling to themselves, but lucky for me and
even luckier for you I have soap box and I stand on it, standing with both legs
stable and ready to fight.
XOXO
B
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