Hello from the other side

On October 18^th 2015, I lost my mom.  If you’ve been following along with my life, my mom went into the hospital on March 17^th 2015 and never returned home. She went back and forth from hospital to rehabilitation to a nursing home back to the hospital and so on. 

During this time, I went to visit her multiple times a week, and spoke to her every single day multiple times a day. There was nothing she did not know about me. Despite my best efforts to have a positive attitude, I decided to act like a normal person and continue on with my rants and complain about everyday occurrences. I like to think that this normalcy made her day “entertaining.”    There were many days when I would visit where I was able to take her outside just to get some fresh air. On a very rare occasion, I was able to take her out of where she was to go for a ride and get ice cream at our favorite place I then brought her back and I went on with my day. Much like most people you never think the last time will be the last time, but sometimes it is.  You have wonderful days filled with beautiful memories and sometimes if you’re lucky enough you have someone to capture them all. For me I had all of that.During the last few weeks she was very sick and in Intensive Care at a local hospital. It was at this time that we realized how sick she had become and that her frail body would need to put up one hell of a fight. We were told by doctors and nurses that we would need to make a choice on how to proceed. 

While the questions were coming in, we asked her what she wanted to do and she told us that she wanted to live. Despite this we somehow had to convince my mother (a retired nutritionist and director of school food service) that she would need a feeding tube.  Convincing was done and the feeding tube was put in, but still more worked was needed.  Yogurt, water, and cranberry juice were about the only things she would eat except for the occasional Popsicle. After much determination from her and our family and close friends, the battle seemed to be coming to an end. 

Somehow, we were able to help bring her back and before I knew it she had moved rooms and was being scheduled to leave the hospital and go somewhere else. After transporting to Boston, she was getting better and was acting much more like herself.  She was telling all of the nurses about her kids and was eating actual food and the feeding tube was taken out. 

 Have you ever had a day where you want to remember everything about it. The way the day feels, smells and looks. You study everything about it so that way you can have the memory forever. That is how I felt the last time I said goodbye. 

We talked about how to fix the house up so it was a safe place for her to come home to. She worried about how we would pay for the hospital bills and I told her I was working with someone to figure it all out. I brushed her teeth and I combed her hair and I brought her a sweatshirt and helped put it on her to keep her warm.  I kissed her, told her I loved her and I studied every single beauty mark on her face. I told her I would see her tomorrow, she told me not to come in the morning and I said goodbye.

“There is no death, daughter. People die only when we forget them,' my mother explained shortly before she left me. 'If you can remember me, I will be with you always.”- Isabel Allende, Eva Luna

58 days and counting...

Holy $#!T

 I’m getting married in 58 days. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 Since I have 8 weeks left I decided that I would refer to this as Bridget’s “8 Crazy Weeks”.   

These next 8 weeks will be crazy, stressful and surely emotional, but most importantly they will be fun, just like ME.  

So today I start with this…

Bridget’s Top 10 things that will happen after she gets married (in no particular order)

1. I can shop again ( Ted, thinks this hasn’t stopped, but believe me it really has)

2. I can eat food again ( actual food, not salad)

3. I can go out to eat again

4. My friends will stop thinking of me as a crazy person and will actually enjoy reading my emails and talking to me on he phone (maybe)

5. I won’t have to keep emailing vendors and make sure they don;' hate me yet  *Shout out to all my vendors who read my blog, thanks for dealing with me

6. I won’t  second guess almost every decision I possibly made ( except the getting married one)

7.  I won’t have to refer to Ted as my fiancé anymore ( this is getting old, much like myself)

8. I can finally listen to people ask me when I am having children and then give their opinion which I will have no interest in hearing

9. I can post 1000 wedding pictures on social media

10. I can find a reason to wear my wedding dress again, perhaps sitting on my couching drinking champs

After all, laughter is the best medicine.

 

 

'Cause this fine old world it keeps spinnin' around

I don’t think it matter’s how old you are. When you’re upset it’s okay to feel it. Even though your 29 years old, it’s okay to get upset and kick and cry on the floor like a kid when things don’t go your way. It’s probably not going to fix anything, but it may help you deal with it.

Here goes…

 My mom has been in a hospital since March 17^th.   She/We have spent St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, Father’s Day and soon to be the 4^th of July away from home. Whether it is in a hospital, rehabilitation home, or nursing home she has been everywhere except her home. 

And I am pissed.  

I’m mad that I have to pick up her laundry, aggravated that I have to pay for parking to visit her and I’m fuming over the fact that in two month’s I’m getting married and I have no clue where she is going to be. Call it selfish, call it whatever you want. This is my INSIDE OUT.

Now back to my mom…

How is my mom doing you might ask? Well she’s actually doing pretty well. I really don’t know how she still has a positive attitude, but she does. Sure there has been day’s where she has repeatedly told me over and over again how these placed have terrible food and she’s a customer there, but for the most part 6 days out of 7 she is laughing.  It’s safe to say she hasn’t had a “Girl Interrupted” moment and is she doing what she can to keep pushing on and doing everything she can to get out.  However, every time she takes one step forward she moves a few steps back, and THAT’S LIFE.  

The plan is for her to leave the hospital yet again this upcoming Sunday and head back to rehab and then hopefully be back up and walking her 60 steps so she can finally go home.  

In the time she has been gone I have seen the dreadful snow melt, the hydrangea bloom and the growth of a family.  I have quote literally watched the 4 of us (I haven’t said family of 4 together in a long time) come together and do what we needed to do to get happy, move forward and celebrate together.

In the course of over 3 months there has been bad days, where I wanted to lay in bed and feel bad for myself. There has also been exceptionally, amazing days that I wanted to relive.  But, in all the days that have passed I was still looking for an answer to the questions I had been asking over and over again. When will things get better? 

 The real true sign that things are about to improve came to me on Boylston Street on a Thursday in June when low and behold a bag piper came walking out of SOLAS: Irish Pub. 

Now, I’m not a magician or a psychic (contrary to popular belief) just a believer.

Sláinte!